Temple of the Dark Moon

Noroi no Tamashi,
The Cursed Soul,
Black, Tainted and Sealed,
In the Silent Darkness it searches…

Voices from a distant world,
Breaking the silence of Oblivion,
Faint whispers of the Deviant,
Only we can hear it.

Break free from your binds,
It can no longer hold you!
Break free from your chains,
You are no longer the Slave!

I am your only friend,
For only I am able to understand,
What binds you is I,
Will you now turn against me?

I hold the key,
Only I can set you free,
Yet will you have courage enough,
To seize this opportunity?

Your heart is broken,
Like china when mended,
Scars remained,
As a reminder of your Pain.

Cold winds of the North,
Like a thousand needles,
Pierced the naked skin,
Like it pierced your naked heart.

Living Death,
Those who wander aimlessly,
A mind poisoned,
A body without a Soul.

Unable to move,
Unable to speak,
So just go to sleep,
And be mine for all eternity,
You are afterall,
A Cursed Soul.

After chinese new year, comes one of the most celebrated event of the year… Valentine’s Day~ yippee~ yahoo~~ yay~~ . no, im not anywhere near excited about it. and no, definitely not because i don have someone to celebrate it with. i just feel sad and sorry for the wallets of millions if not billions of ppl round the world, forking out sums just because some bozo decided that feb 14 is the day u must appreciate ur partnet ‘more’. some how i just feel its a little too human don u think? we humans like to make everyday events into once in a year thing. perhaps its to add to the point that there is something different from our mundane everyday life. i mean, if i was to argue, cant u appreciate ur partner everyday? Perhaps u can do it, but then that will make everday a little Valentine’s Day. And being as human as we are, we naturally tend not to appreciate it as much when it happens everday (just my opinion, feedbacks are welcomed). take food for example, we get to dine in fine restaurants once in a while, savouring delicacies that our everyday wallet will not be able to afford. but if we have these delicacies everyday, it will no longer be a ‘delicacy’. if shark fin’s soup can be ur everyday life soup, would u be jumping up and down when u get to drink it at a restaurant? (applies only to not so extreme animal lovers, as for extreme animal lovers, no offence. i do not support eating shark fin’s soup too. its just to make an example and i cant think of any other examples right now that does not involve animals being eaten.) so i wont say its a commercial gimmick or what so ever, i find it facinating actually. how ppl go to extra lengths on that day for their partners.

why in the world would i find it facinating u may ask, well, lets just say i’m also learning to look from all points of view. i don understand the concept of ‘love’ so i naturally will not understand whats the big huu haa all about but i understand that for ppl who believe and trust in it, it must be something important. so i will accept it as it is. its facinating because 2 totally strangers, well after to get to know each other then they would not be strangers, but then they are to a certain extent because the time u spent with them is well, ‘limited’. LIMITED?! i’ve spent everday and everynight of my life with my bf/gf!! u may say. well, yes. u do spend alot of time with them, but have ever realized that spending time when u are still in the bf/gf relationship, u tend to put up with alot of things? don u realize that u tend to control urself? if u say no, its of course very hard for me to believe, but it u are convinced of it, then it is as u say and i’ll agree with you. the thing i see it is that we are trying to be our best behaviour so as to get what we wish to keep. no?

when i say limited, i mean ur communication is a far cry from ur family’s (only applies if your family is closely knit or something like that. does not work if u don communicate with ur family). and that is why i say they are technically ’strangers’. in our family, we spend our entire lives with them and being around ur family even though when u are not talking u can observe all those subtle habits that may or may not be irritating/ admirable and so on and so forth. and those are greatest part of human communication. it is these subtle habits that we will display when we start to live together with our partners. but it is these subtle habits/attitudes that we may never get to see when we are still in that early stage of relationship. do not you agree?

ive read a book entitled ‘Idoits guide to relationships’ or something like that. but it definitely contains the word idiots guide to and definitely had to do with relationships. it is advised that one should get to know the person they like/ admire for at least 3 months before moving on further up the relationship ladder. and how many of you agree love at first sight is magic hand up. seems magical isnt it. we see it all times in drama series, or movies. seems like heaven sent. such bliss. but really, love at first sight? maybe there is such a thing, i do not know. but i have to agree with the book that ‘love at first sight’ is no magic because it may have more to do with ‘lust at first sight’. for how can u love someone u do not know? argue as much as u will that that is why its magical, look deep inside your own heart and tell me truth that it has nothing to do with they way they dress/ present themselves at first sight? would u have ‘love at first sight’ with a scuffy looking person? i’ve never heard one before, so if you have, pls enlighten me. i always seek new understanding.

u know what is truly magical? its when u love a friend. why i think its magical? because that persons looks may only have little to do with why u love them. i trule believe that if u love a friend, its because u have known them for a long time and its more of their personality that attracted you and not so much of how cool or beautiful or what naught. Its only natural to get attracted to attractive ppl. after all, they are already labeled ‘attractive’ is it not? well, we are attracted to attractive ppl because of our animal instinct. attractive ppl = good genes. and we naturally want to find someone of good genes to procreate with. well, i already mentioned its animal instinct. Humans have animal instinct, but we are also blessed in the power to think. and this power enable us to shut off the animal instinct and do what we think is right or suitable.

take saving another’s life for instance. ur animal instinct tells you the rule of ’survival of the fittest’. when faced with danger, animal instinct tells you to run a way. take the safest route. SURVIVE. but yet, we hear so many stories of ppl risking their own lives of someone elses. that is because we are able to shut our animal instinct and act on what we think should be done, and that is to save someone elses life.

that is all i wish to share about my personal opinion of what i think about this concept in which most of us accepted — love. i may never truly understand why or how or what it will do to the human brain and state of mind, but i have seen my share of it to be wise enough to not take that concept at face value. love, like many things in life, can be confused with other feelings (or emotion donno lar) that have a much darker history like obsession, jealousy, lust, etc.

one last note though, if you are one of the many that has ’special’ feelings for someone, if you never tell, that person will never know. that is what i think. how you are going to tell it, no one can ever give u that answer, go with what you think u are comfortable with is my believe. but then again, that is my opinion. you have ur own. only you can be your own guide in this game. Don keep it to urself, u’ll get drowned in it, or emotionally sensitive ppl will at least. u will have the consequences to deal with, so deal with it. get an answer. if all goes well, then good for you. if your heart is broken, that is when u can finally move on to the next fish in sea! (no im not heartless, i know its painful, but once u know there is no hope, u can finally give up)

Gong Hei Gong Hei, wish all year year got fish, body strong mind fresh…. eh i think i wish in the yahoo group dy…so no need dy lar…hahahahha… redundency is not required and is a waste of resources. anyways… i donno bout u guys, but i definitely no longer send greeting cards to anyone no more. first of all, i donno the adds lar~~… second of all, very very lazy lar~~~ third, got internet and sms mar…no need car dy lar…send msgs can dy~ or e-card lor…save environment ba~ hehehehe.

anyways, lets start with my journey back to home sweet home klang.. (for once in my god damned life… i actually MISS home~! can u believe it?! Kerteh must be worse than i thought!) anyways… the bus was suppose to come at 11.30 so i was suppose to wait for the bus round 11. very nice landlords i have… they offered me a ride to the station that is about 10-15 mins walk. god bless em. i woke up about 8 something taht morning… cant sleep with the racket those cursed chickens are making. the whole time i was awake, i cant keep the excitement of going home aside…litterally trembling with it. so to ease the over excited mind, i watch the last 2 epi of honey and clover to kill time.

being the punctual person that i always am…hehe… i arrived at the station about 10.45am. i was expecting the bus to arrive much later than 11.30. ya know malaysian time… always later by 15-30 mins …. once a big god damned blue moon do they arrive earlier or on time. anyways, the bus came at 11.30 and i boarded the bus. it was already nearly full with very little seats left empty. but then amount of ppl boarding the bus seem to exceed the empty seats. din give much thought of it though… wanted to leave as soon as possible. when i reached my seat number, someone was already there. so i had to politely ask them to move a side cause my number is 20 and theirs is obviously not. after i chased the kind lady away and comfortably settled myself at the seat, mr bus driver was making some hand gesture and i was called out to the front.

the ticket seller lady and the bus driver were blabbling away in some t’ganu slang malay so i couldnt understand a tiny winsee bit of what in the bloody world they are talking about. but from the looks of it, it seems like i have boarded the wrong bus. well, she did say the bus arrives at 11.30. cant blame me, i was just following instructions. and it was the stupid bus drivers fault. when i passed him the ticket he din even check properly whether i was suppose to go up the bus. since he din make a dingy bit of noise, i naturally assumed that i am on the right bus. talk about incompetence. sheesh.

turns out the bus i just boarded was the 8.30 bus from K.Tganu…mine is 9.30. Gawd, if the 8.30 bus comes at 11.30 … i cant even imagine what time the 9.30 bus will be arriving. resigning my fate to the higher powers (well, thats the only thing to soothe me) i sat quietly at the station, longing that i brought my MP3 player with me. at the very least i could save me from this absolute boredom. in less than 15 mins another bus came. but the bus driver came down from the bus at held up his ‘talk to the hand’ pose. just great, now the bus refuse to let us in? not that bad it seems… its just not the bus that im suppose to board cause this is the bus that left K Tganu at 10.30. i was like what in the world is wrong with these ppl? the bus that departed later actually arrives earlier than that that departed earlier? for a moment i thought the bus had broken down or something…which is definitely not what i want cometrue. thank the heavens or whatever there is, it remains as it is, just imagination cause the 9.30 bus finally arrives at 12.30. a few complaints here and there, but what the heck… im on my way home~! since i fell asleep before the bus even reach kemaman (bout 1 hr away from kerteh)… i don recall anything interesting to tell; just that after reaching KL have to change bus to go back to klang. after travelling through KL again, i thought to myself, i can make do without the jams…

after 8 hours of bus ride, my butt feels numb and sore. i guess even sitting causes fatigue, no? anyways, as i waltz into my sweet room, i was greeting with a pink envelope. i thought who in the world would send me a chinese new year greeting card… i mean at this time and age? but as i opened the envelope and half an A4 size card feel out, i guess it does give u a different feeling compared to receiving an e-card or sms (don take me wrong, i don expect cards or anything as fancy as that… e-cards and sms are great with me). perhaps its because that person decided to dig out the adds, buy the card, hold up the pen to write something other than just ‘happy new year’, sticked the stamp, went through the trouble of going to the post office or the little red box around town so that the little pink envelope will arrive to its intended targets. i certainly didnt expect to receive one and definitely not from the person that sent it. perhaps the only thing that i can do to repay this person’s effort was to spend some money to call and wish this person personally. which i did… but i did thought of just sending sms though..hahahahahaha.

Hope everyone get lots of ang pao, not just big in ang pao envelope… but also big big with its contents~! hehehehehe.

ah… life… such a wonderful thing. havent we always imagined situations… situations in which we imagined to laugh about, to joke about…but we ‘know’ deep down, its possibility is practically zero/kosong/zelo/kong/zip/elek/ling/ or whatever language or synonym u can think of. its just so nice to imagine sometimes.

being in kerteh means that one some times have to do the desperate as a means to an end. being as transportless as we are…we naturally have to hitch a hike to wherever we wish to go…and we have no other wishes other than to go to work (see our wish is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo noble). miss sandy, a young and charming lady that happens to work in the same company and stay in the same row of houses (technically speaking me, yin ping, sandy and soon (used to be our ‘favourite’ transport) are living along the same stretch of houses…) is the one we usually ‘car pooled’ (we are doing the environment a favour ok~! but not doing sandy’s wallet any favour cause we don pay in cash…she dowan us to pay la!! not so kiamsiap one… ppl dowan..kenot force lar~~~). but then because she had to work in Kuantan for a few days, we had to find other means to meet our end. so we called Mr Saiful, our colleague… and the time to wait at the designated spot is 7.40am.

so being the punctual person that i am, i suggested we start walking at 7.15 because the place is rather far and i don wanna rush and get all sweaty. its so early cause miss slow poke usually walk very slow. technically speaking u can reach there in 5 mins, but that is when u walk with extreme top speed. u should have seen miss slow poke fast walking for the carpoolympics. it was the day before when we again had to throw ourselves at the mercy of Mr Saiful…the msg came just 10 mins before the we actually start moving our asses. so miss slow poke on that day technically flew with her transformation. usually i will walk and by 5 mins, im roughly about 10 meters away from her and had to wait for her to catch up. but today, walk as fast as i may, miss slow poke…err…kenot us that name for that day… miss fast poke then… was so fast, my distance from her never seemed to change. talk about transformation~!

anyways, as i was saying, i suggested we move our bloody asses by 7.15 but miss ’showing-the-yer-face’ complained it was toooooooooooooooooooooooooo early… it was crazy to wake up so early just to walk there and wait for the car. she suggested 7.30. why? "neh, that day we walk, by 5 mins also reach dy ba…don have to so early one lah~~~" said miss ’showing-the-yer-face’ said. i explained that that day was because we were going at top speed and i don wan to walk so fast because i will all sweaty when i go the office… miss ’showing-the-yer-face’ kept rumbling on and on and on and doing all sorts of gestures that i have absolutely no idea how to put in words..so i finally gave up and decided to let her win since she will never wanna back down even though death is staring at her face anyways. the canton saying ’sei tou ngau fan sang’ (can argue until the dead also come back to life) definitely fits her… talk about unreasonable..

so 7.30 came and went…we were walking relatively slowly this time…i din bother to walk any faster cause miss slow poke is taking over her now…i will have to wait for her anyways. by the time we reach the place, its roughly around 7.46 or something like that. and thats when the phone rang…

miss slow poke: "ha, u dekat bp sana sudah ar?"

phone: "bla bla bla bla"

miss slow poke:"oh oh, ok takpe2 kite pergi sendiri"

then she looks at the phone 7.48 only what..they call 7.46 nia mah…din hear the phone ring also….

so we… erm ..she had to walk around and ask ppl who stop by to buy nasi lemak and newspaper are they heading up and if so can they please car pool us as well cause our friend left and we got no transport to go to work. i just stood by the side and let her do the job. lucky enough we had some kind souls that decided to drive us there. i was sooooooooo wanting to say ‘told u so~~~’ but din say it until lunch time. when i suggested we start moving our asses at 7.20 because i tot she will whine its too early if we move by 7.15… it was now she who suggested that we must move 7.15. haish… wouldnt it be better if she had just listened to my suggestion of 7.15 earlier? why oh why are ppl so lazy to wake up early and wait for the transport that has been so mercifully granted to you by a kind soul? and she give the reason she cant wake up so early because she is sick… ah, i told her being sick is no excuse (tell that to the person drivin the car and i doubt it will make much difference because the person is only interested in ‘don have to wait for you’ kinda passenger)…and the all too familiar ‘roll the eyes’ expression is displayed. ah well, if what i say cant get through that skull of hers, i do not intend to force it either… after all, its only eight months. i do not intend to agitate a delicate soul and make the rest of my stay hellish…

~ppl of nearly the same personality, may not get along too well~ this is what i have learnt so far. why? still trying to find out.

vampires/vampiress has always been around us. with hollywood banking on this idea for god knows how many years. over so many years, we have seen from the conventional Count Dracula, where by can only come out in the night, to ever evolving ones whereby Dracula has wives that are harpies and can give birth to… i don know how to name those creatures … bat like vampires i suppose. To modern version vampires where they work for the Vatican to eliminate evil (hmm… trying to promote the idea that even the worse can repent from their sins if they wish?), better still now, we have ‘artificial vampires’ where chips are planted in the brain to transform a person to become the living dead. Best so far are vampires and prey on vampires… due to its rarity, no name is given to these creatures yet..cept vampires that suck the blood of vampires, or was the name crusnik…donno lah…cant remember. we all watch and get ourselves thrilled by the stories these directors direct. after that, we push aside the idea of its existance because no real vampires will ever exist in this world. no such thing we would say…. perhaps…. perhaps not.

whether we realize or not, vampires have existed from the very beginning of human history. they have lived among us and preyed on us. some are hardly felt, some deliver the ultimate sentence…death. of course, these vampires don suck the very life out of u by drinking ur blood. we may also sometimes call them parasites. while most would fit the bill of parasite, others do not, but yet they are very vampire like, therefore i will label them vampires. perhaps i myself have transformed into this vampire like form. after all, i do wait for others finish their assignments and after that i just swoop in and literally photocopy it and just erase the name and id number. it may have gotten on some ppl’s nerve although i of course may not notice it… but its always safer to assume the worse, so with this new year, my resolution is to be less of a vampire… old habits are hard to kick u know.

the worse kind of vampire that i have ever encountered are those that indirectly drain the life out of u. u may not notice at first, but little by little, u feel as if u no longer have to energy handle it… more terrible cases may cause chronic depression and if left as it is, destroys u utterly. i of course, have not meet one that deals such a severe blow to me, but to certain extent, life draining. i honestly have never met anyone that demands so much energy… it seems u will have to always yield, and that is not through arguement, but whining…. the endless whining.

problems seemed to be unsolvable to them… it must be solved by others. an example would be when the pen drive can no longer be read by the computer. this person would come to me and whine why is it not working, displaying an expression of frustration and the so called ‘im distressed help me now’. ignorance is not tolerated for they will whine ever louder, stomping their feet until u give in. simple matter, why in the world would it even require anyone to fix??? just restart the computer and everything will be as it is…which is just exactly how it is.

if u are to grab the things they want, they respond extremely childlike… screaming ‘i want it!’ over and over again, stomping their feet in anger showing they ‘angry’ face which is suppose to soften ur stance…the unfortunate thing is, if it was done by a child it would have had effect but an adult? i couldnt even face it…. i don even know how to react… i had to let them have it for the whining wouldnt even tone down as long as i hold what they want.

favours can be done at the expense of others…there is absolutely no need to think about the person they are requeting favour from. i donno, perhaps they have not learnt that other ppl have their own way of thinking too? they would never listen to you if you are to speak of things that they wish not to hear.

i no longer have the energy to even bother with these kind of people, you have to use so much energy just to stay alive in their midst. i do believe that one should always remember that inner child and occasionally let it shine, let it out..but to let it out 24/7 is nothing short of a nightmare. those who are exposed to it briefly will definitely find it funny or adorable… unless u are overflowing with energy and can feed their hunger, it is no joke to be around them. i do not hate their existance…but i do not love it either. if i were to ever descend into such a state i wish with all my heart that i be told of the horror that i have unleashed… i do not wish to find out through the whispers of the wind.

Terengganu got 2 days off for hari raya haji, plus one day leave i took, means something like fives days of no work in a stretch! i work only 2 days! heheheh…and that also on the second day cabut at around 3pm cause the so called car i gonna tumpang leaves at three… sv don seem to care that much though, haha… probably they don care also lar… don have us better…ahhahaha…

this is what me conversation with prof radha is like:

prof: "so chin, what is your preferred place to work?"

me: "i can work anywhere! dump me anywhere and i can survive."

yeah right! whole lot of over confidence crap. and there and then i thought that i can survive anywhere on this planet because i have very low demand for life, no shopping mall? no problemo…i don go shoppings anyways… no night life? no problemo… i don go out much anyways… some where deserted? nothing to fuss, i can live on my own. all in all, i make it sound like i’m not too into civilization kind of a guy…ghahahaha….what poor understanding i have about myself.

when i first got to know i was about to be dumped into a world called Kerteh, famous for its gas processing plants and wild boar meat, i never thought much about though. i mean, i live in tronoh and it doesnt bother me that much. so somewhere in the middle of nowhere wouldnt be that much of a difference considering i have already been living in the middle of nowhere for the past 4 years. but i tend to forget the tiny details that middle of nowhere that i am about to go and the middle of nowhere im about to leave.

all was well, since the first week of work is kinda like an eye opener ya know…i mean it is the first time i have been to work..so its exciting! staying in the office for eight hours, communicating with ppl 5 to 10 years your senior.. not very good at it yet, but getting to it. but after a while, i kinda feel …feel…depressed. hmm, im not sure if thats the word, but you just kinda feel all weird, like something is wrong, and you just donno what, but its rather frustrating. then it seemed to dawn on me… things here just moves too slowly. its peaceful… i mean you feel at peace because there is no rushing. you don really see it.  no morning rush, everyone travels at their pace. no jam, no one honking or busy overtaking just to get to work on time. because i don think there is a need since everything just lay at the same stretch of road. and of course, there is nothing to do around here, everyday u come back from home, its the room or the television. there is no place for to go for a walk to window shop or mamak or that kind of thing.

then all the sudden i realise, i cant seem to get use to this peaceful way of life. where life travels so slowly. no matter how much i say i don go shopping, i don go out at night, i don all the usual city kid stuff, i cant stand it when its all not here! why? i got no answer. all i know is i miss all commercial life i see everyday back home. the busy road just infront of my house, the multitude of people at the shopping mall, rows upon rows of shop houses, lack of parking spaces and the string of curses one usually utters when faced with traffic jams and no-cow-sense drivers; i think has become essential part of my life. hahahahahaha. thinking that i am no city kid is probably nothing short of naive.

the question is, i lived in tronoh didnt i? there was no rows upon rows of shop houses, no shopping mall with multitude of ppl, no traffic jams, no night life, well, there is lack of parking spaces and no-cow-sense drivers…but apart from that…isnt it similar to a place like Kerteh? why then can i adapt? theres where i realized the tiny details that i overlooked when i confidently declare i wouldnt matter whether is tronoh of kerteh.

in tronoh, in our very own UTP, i had the most invaluable presence. the Ni Lao Hia clan. not to forget the smaller groups within, the kenari gang, and the karaoke clan. all i had i kerteh now is .. well, its best not to mention… anyways, we may not have night life in UTP, but we sure did have funny house mates that almost makes a lot drama scene every night….. so much better than TVB drama series if you ask me. i also had dota that can occupy you for hours…all that is definitely not found in Kerteh…sighs…its been only one month still got seven months to go. all said and done, no matter what, we must still learn to adapt…im doin it (if by adapt you mean getting streamyx connection that is..ahhahaha), so far have been a little successful. well, that much for trying.

yey! i finally got my internet! i can finally bloggie again! yey! yey! yey! let me start with the first day of my internship…

hmm..lets see how does it start…. well, naturally it started with lots of arguement and shouting cause of how much stuff i usually bring (all the essential needs like computer, posters, animes) and of course because of the lack of familiarity with the god forsaken place called kerteh in the middle of nowhere. so after much hustle and bustle, we finally reached this extremely tranquil and peaceful place. everything is in a snail’s pace here…u can hardly feel the rush, the stress…its like u are in a buddhist monastery (no joke man). at first i was suppose to live with some malay pal’s, ali and all, but the house in Paka is actually empty…and i mean literally empty. not a piece of furniture, not a piece of anything…cept for the lamps and flourecent lights. after much unpacking of my belongings, me and the family decided to go for drive to Dungun…if u heard of a place called dungun…everything here is nothing much but a stretch of road with shops of both sides…and thats the city, town or village if u will. went through a hell lot of walking just to get a box fan and when i was about to buy the wonderful mattress since the house has absolutely nothing, my pal Yin Peng called me with this piece of information "eh chin, u wanna stay here ar? everything also got, its a room in the chinese village, got astro, got bed got table, and this auntie decides to rent! u wan ar?" i could hardly believe my eyes…(at this point my dad had already paid for the mattress). i asked her again and again are u sure she wants to rent, is she sure there is a bed and stuff like that and i finally put all my questions aside when she said she is in the house is standing next to the auntie. with lightning speed we ’smillingly’ return the mattress we have bought and repack everything and go the house where this auntie wants to rent her house. its a wooden house, but at least its a house that has all the essential stuff. 200 bucks is a small price to pay lah….hehe..thats what i have been rationalizing with myself all this while. if u think in kerteh u can save money because u don go out shopping…well, id say think again honey cause food here is god damned expensive. everything my lunch will cost me an average rm 4 and thats only with one vege and on piece of chicken. i was about to vomit blood when i heard the price.

working life is inevitably not for me…i cant stand the routine waking up of 6 am in the morning just for work. and where in the world do we learn the chicken crows 6 or 7 am in the morning….chickens here crows at 3 am god dammnit!!! the first day i was at awe with the biological clock of the chickens. and we can hardly sleep after that because then keep on crowing until six in the morning…is the chicken dumb or what?! god damn it man….and everyday its the same thing…it will start with the dumbest of all dumb chicken somewhere far far away and then the rest just follow blindly thinking its 7…bloody hell… took me sometime to get used to the weird timetable these chicken has….and any house that has no chicken is not a house…literally everyone here owns chickens. ah yes, work… first week was interesting because ur new to everything and everything seems interesting. but as the week passed, we just tend to get the same job again and again and again…trending. we just keep trending controllers over and over again and seriously speaking its getting kinda bored…hahahaha. our sv also donno what work to give us…its like he is cracking his brains just to find work for us. and its a wonder how fast i finish my work when there is no one around where u can just cut and paste… ahahhahaha. no more utp style work here i guess.. or probably roy is not here…i bet if he is here i can still do the same thing…ehehehehe

terengganu has a very weird work week. we start on sunday…in which im used to as a holiday…and we start holidaying on friday to saturday. i have to keep reminding myself that sunday is a working and not a holiday cause the calenders all mark it red…which signify a holiday! so confusing…why in the world cant they just follow the rest of the world and start work on monday?! sheesh…talk about non-conformity…this is definitely not gonna bring any improvement. but at the very least i work less one hour compared to my other counterparts who works until five everyday…i work until four on thursday..ehhehehe…

so many things has happened for the past 3 weeks cant seem to remember them all…gotta stop writing..forget to write my weekly report..hehehe

call it fate, call in coincidence, call it the will of the universe. whatever it is, there is one undeniable sign, the tarot indeed told of the future in which has come to past. in times of uncertainty, i seek the guidance of the so called wisdom of the tarot. well, in reality, i asked ‘how will my internship problem go?’ (din get no place at all thats why ask la, be prepared mar if need to stay back and not see frens for one year) and the tarot replied that i will conquer this problem and be victorious and i shall achieve it by the help of a person of authority of seniority. and so happen that i did look for someone of authority or seniority, he is a lecturer. so i suppose he fits the bill. with weeks and weeks of no response of the management regarding his plan to place us in companies for our IT. i really did thought it was the end of it. Tarot may be just cards afterall. but either luck or destiny has it that one fine day i have an email telling me that i have been accepted by a company that the lecturer assigned me to. what struck me then was the msg the tarot card has already given me. is this truly the power of destiny? or really just something that you believed in so much u actually allowed it to happen?

prior to the confirmation from my lecturer, i had a call from johnson and johnson for an interview. although it was during my exam week, i thought it was better that i attend this interview for i have nothing in hand anyways. just right after i reach home did i recieve the good news that i have already been accepted by PGB, the company my lecturer assigned me to. i was so happy that the interview went by without much seriousness from my part. i merely just went for the interview just to expose myself to a real job interview. i didn’t do my very best like i had done for other interviews because i was already complacent. it is of course of no surprise when i was not acceopted by johnson and johnson.

that was definitely my own doing. i can never attribute it to destiny or fate. it was i who decided not to give my best, it was i who decided not to perform for the interview. so directly or indirectly, i had tried to make the prediction come true. for if i had really given my best and everything for the interview, i would have been accepted, and the prediction may never be so nearly accurate. so perhaps the accuracy of divination depends on how much the recieving end believes in it and perhaps have the opportunity to unconciously allow events to unfold according the prediction.

hello, wanted write later but then, things just cant wait to happen in me life to break the monotomy. im suppose to write if the Tarot card reading is accurate… and that is to say i am able to get my Industrial Training in one of the OPU’s from Prof Rhada’s new programme…but anyways…life seems to be very nice to me…so it hurled an unexpected and very much Unwanted ‘blessing’ to me which i will remember for the rest of my GOD DAMNED life. at this rate, i donno how much longer i can continue counting my blessings when its on rather short supply lately…

The only thing i think that can express how i feel is: I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART THAT SOMEONE, THAT SOMEONE WILL BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!! LET THAT PERSON JUST BURN! if i can scream, i would just scream and scream and scream and scream…

Ah, after months of no blogging, its finally time to blog again due to the unlimited supply of stories our very beautiful UTP can offer. i think by the end of our five years here, we can start a sitcom about our lives that can run for the next 5 seasons if it hits off. first thing first, the reason i am able to write this blog, or better yet, even able to reach this page to even write, is due to the fact that i am now paying 16 smackeroos a month to get a dial up connection. i have never in my life encountered this before. i have never in my life even heard that a university student has to subscribe to such services because the internet in their premise is not at all functioning. the furthest i ever gone with internet from my dorm room is the yahoo page or yahoo mail login page. any further than that, u get the ‘lost connection from origin server’ page. I am trying not to complain much, but this is too much to be kept in silence. and being a person who is used to broadband connection, dial up connection seems to sap the very life away from me, but a dialup connection is better than no connection at all =P.

i recently been able to look at us, our batch from the eyes of lecturers. i mean i have always been able to, but this time, i am finally able to see that we are not all that great as we think we are. lets start off with our Chem lab 2 demonstrator. i have not personally endured this, but from the stories of others, it seems it happen like so; usually before our lab we have our viva sessions (something like Q & A, where they ask u technical questions and u were suppose to answer correctly to get points). so anyways, being "smart" (why the "…"? , u’ll know later) as we are, we read our lab manuals, internet is shit, so forget about finding information from the net, read some books from the library. ready and confident that we are able to fend off any attacks from her. well, turns out she starts asking questions that is totally out of our scope of knowledge. well, or to say we din bother researching or even question. so being unable to answer her questions, and her being as testy as she usually is (she always wears this look that she is pissed 24 7), we were screwed. in all her rantings, this is the most prominent of all: "u guys are the worst batch". that hit the brain real hard, i tot all the batches are the same… seems not. well, i must say if its only she who thinks so, it wouldn’t be so bad, but….

We have also another testy lecturer…well not as testy as the demonstrator, but nearly. anyways, during our first lecture, she was going on and on about how she wouldnt bother helping us if we cant help ourserlves, and taht we are in fourth year now, and that must take iniatives for our own good and all the usual stuff. overall, she is telling u she won be helping u if u are too dumb lar. so anyways, first test came and went, i tot everyone couldnt remember the formula, but as it turns out, im the only few who cant… so much for the ‘if u donno, everyone also donno’ policy… pretty much flunk the entire thing. 50 percent only i think. anyways, so our lecturer from very strict and i mean business look to a "u all must help urselves, we the lecturer talk among us and we found out that u guys got the lowest among the other batches… we wan to be proud of u, we wan u to be the BEST batch". u know… those words are from a very very desperate woman after knowing that not that its not only a few who flunk it…almost everyone did…i guess she is trying some motivational talk by telling us that they wanna "be proud of us, and wan us to be the BEST batch". my my, from a "u are on ur own" personality to a "i need to help u or not my repo’s gone" kinda personality. and she is actually giving extra classes to those who have flunked to help us score…she has most definitely done this for the first time for her entire time here.

the best and most obvious sign of our "terribleness" comes from our CPIC lecturer. he always just smiles whenever we cannot recall terms or get them wrongly when have taught about it just 1 week ago. the best part was, our project was supposedly easy, but due to the overwhelming number of students going to him asking for guidance on how to even start it, he ended up finishing the entire simulation system for us. and our job is to just plug in the values calculated using formulas to the equations for the graphs. and even that some of us cannot do and still have to ask him for help which he did of course, with the all too familiar smile. so u see, for the quoted smart word, this is why… we must be soooooooooooooooooooooo dumb or stupid that we are labeled the worst batch of all, can make a lecturer open extra classes for the first time on her entire lecturing career and have to have the lecturer build the simulation system for us.

as for now, i think my self esteem is on the all time low… never in my life have so many signs been pointing toward the word ‘dunce’